This blog is specially for Chooyan.


I had tolerate manyof the things that happened (mentioned later below). But after reading your entries, I had to voice it up.


In my whole seconday life, before knowing you, I had never been so pressurised by how short I am. Even Eddie did not give me the feeling that I'm really really really short. For the first few months after knowing you, I got that feeling everytime. Everytime I saw you, either in Guzheng or at NYAA marching training, the word 'short' just keep appearing. I did told you to stop because I hate it. You just didn't. I tolerate it again and again. Only until this few months it stopped alittle.


Ths past few months when I saw you, you just kept saying things about me, like I'm sensitive and I cry alot. Yes, I know. But you kept repeating incidents that I cry or when I jumped to conclusion. You made me feel that, yes, Im a big cry baby and that Im in the wrong of jumping to conclusion. The reason that I kept jumping to conclusion because I did not want myself to be hurt. From ck incident, I hurt myself alot. And I did not want it to repeat. I did not want to cry and cut myself for boys. Sometimes Rachel agreed with you too. When this happened, I felt all alone. Im like in a battle alone, with no one there to help.


Recently, in your blog. You wrote about that friday, where you cried. The reason was because I shouted at you. But that was only your view. You know that the expression on your face make me unhappy. I do not know whether the others felt this way, but I knew I did. When I talked to you, you did not only never reply. You gave me the feeling that I made you angry. If you're angry of me, you should have told me. I would understand. I asked you are you okay, you said okay. But you just showed the face. I really could not stand it, so I shouted and you cried. Everybody thought that I made you cry, Im the bad one.


Then the post about your leg. You said I did not care about you. I did ask you to take care ( I know you will say I didn't). I asked you how then I care about you, you asked me to kiss your leg. That was really out you know. I knew that you were kidding, but you should not had said it. You made me feel like a low down person.


Just about this three weeks, I kept going against what you said. But you think I like it? Im just defending myself. I cannot just continue letting you say things about me, while inside I tolerate it.


My personal video. I put your picture inside. You said it was ugly and Im not showing you respect by putting it in the video, and asked me to take it out. You could just told me not to put the picture, but not saying I show no respect to you. I thought of you and wanted to put your photo, but you did not see my good intentions. I was real sad.


I think when you read my blog. You would think I wanted to show others that you are a big bully, a bad person. Then, you misunderstood me again. I really could not tolerate it, and others may think I am the big bully, the person causing you to be sad. Hey people, Chooyan have alot alot of good points to. She was there for me when I needed help, there to comfort me, there to make me laugh and smile. Chooyan, you are one of the bestest friend I have. I never regret knowing you. It was you that make me go back to guzheng. You too, is an important person in my life.


People asked me whether I be friends with you because I took pity of you. The answer is a big NO. I do not make friends because of pity. Im voicing all my problems because I do not want our friendship to go worst. Remember, you will always be my good friend, buddy, companion.